


wherever you stray, i follow

by catching_paper_moons



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Childhood Friends to Lovers, M/M, Miscommunication, Polyamory, Reggie Peters Has Bad Parents (Julie and The Phantoms), Self Confidence Issues, reggie is so oblivious and he's trying so hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catching_paper_moons/pseuds/catching_paper_moons
Summary: Homeroom is alphabetical seating, and the kid in front of him has a sweet Michael Jackson shirt on. Reggie wants to say something, badly, but he’s learned from experience; no one ever wants to talk to the new kid, especially when the new kid is Reginald Peters.(or a five + one about the times Reggie needs reassurance and when he finally gets it.)
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 183





	wherever you stray, i follow

**Author's Note:**

> hi i'm back with another fic instead of doing my schoolwork. who's shocked. this is just a fic that really has no right to be like 14k and yet here we are lmao.
> 
> quick warnings - reggie's parents are very absent. he has a great older brother named mike, though. the boys' death scene is in here, though it takes place more in "the weird dark room where alex cried" than their actual deaths. reggie is very book smart (fight me on it) but he's VERY oblivious to his own feelings which only adds to his angst. don't worry, i'm incapable of writing anything other than a happy ending :)
> 
> i hope you enjoy!!! title comes from "willow" by taylor swift.

i.

_age 11 (august 1989)_

Moving schools is the worst thing in the world. Reggie is eleven, and he’s new, and he’s never even _been_ to Los Angeles before, so he already sticks out like a sore thumb, he can _tell_. He wanders the halls, weaving in and out of the crowd of kids like a pro, and he makes it to his sixth grade homeroom with five minutes to spare. 

He’s not the first one in, shockingly. There’s a smattering of other kids, perched on desks, chatting excitedly about summer vacations and missed birthdays and new toys, and his heart yearns for friendship like that. He’s never exactly had one, considering his family has moved around so much. But his mom told him that they weren’t moving ever again, at least until Reggie grew up and went to college, so he takes that little fact into consideration as he searches for his name on the desk.

Homeroom is alphabetical seating, and the kid in front of him has a _sweet_ Michael Jackson shirt on. Reggie wants to say something, badly, but he’s learned from experience; no one _ever_ wants to talk to the new kid, especially when the new kid is Reginald Peters. So he sits back, fully intent on trying to disappear, when the kid in front of him turns around.

“So,” the kid says, expression discerning. “Another P last name.”

Reggie gulps. “Mhm.” The kid continues staring, and then, eventually, his expression clears.

“I’m Luke Patterson,” Luke says, sticking his hand out. Reggie blinks, shaking it gingerly. “You’re new.”

“Yes.” Reggie nods, and Luke tilts his head, silently questioning. _Stupid_ , Reggie thinks. _Introduce yourself_. “Oh! Um. I’m Reggie. Peters.”

Luke smiles. “Reggie Peters. Cool.” The kid in front of Luke turns around, a mop of blond hair following him. “This is my best friend, Alex.” The blond kid—Alex—smiles and waves, but the teacher comes in immediately, and Alex turns back fast, sitting up straight. Luke snickers, and Alex swats at his hand before ignoring him. Reggie watches, enraptured by the way they act around each other. It’s so familiar, something he’s never really seen or experienced before.

His teacher makes him introduce himself, and only a few kids laugh, but Luke sends them a death glare, and the laughs quiet. Luke sends him a comforting smile once Reggie’s sitting back down, and Reggie is immensely grateful that at least one person seems nice enough. Once homeroom ends, Reggie stares at his schedule, sighing when he realizes he doesn’t know where he’s going, but then his schedule is snatched from his hands. “Let me see,” Luke is saying, turning it so he can see.

“Luke, you have to ask first,” Alex says, exasperated but fond, and he looks over Luke’s shoulder, and then he grins. “Oh, rad! We have math together. And English.”

“And _we_ have social studies in the afternoon!” Luke sounds excited, and then his brows furrow. “And you and Alex have gym together. Awesome.”

“Oh. Cool,” Reggie laughs awkwardly. “I don’t really… know where I’m going?” He grimaces at himself. “Like we just got here so I missed orientation, if there even was one, and I’m confused and, oh.” He stops himself. “Sorry, I was rambling.”

“Don’t worry.” Alex’s expression is warm and kind. “Luke rambles _all_ the time.” He leans in, whispering conspiratorially. “He talks _a lot_.” 

  
“Alex!“ Luke socks him in the arm, and Reggie flinches involuntarily, which makes Luke freeze. His eyes widen and Reggie is certain, _certain_ that they’ll just back away now and not deal with it, but Alex slings an arm over his shoulder, and pulls him away from Luke.

“That’s just Luke, don’t worry about him.” Alex walks them away from homeroom, toward their next class, and Reggie breathes a sigh of relief. “He’s a lot.”

“He’s great,” Reggie says, frowning, and Alex jostles him, a teasing grin on his lips. Reggie realizes maybe he’s misread this, but Alex speaks before Reggie can apologize.

“I know! He’s my best friend.” They stop in front of a room, and Alex gestures. “This is it, I guess. Let’s go. Maybe we’ll get to sit by each other!” Alex pulls him in, scanning for their names on the desks, and Alex cheers, sitting down at a desk that says _Alex Mercer_. “You’re right behind me!”

“Oh, cool.” Reggie laughs again, sitting down. Alex turns around, expectant, like Reggie is going to talk, so he does. “I hope they don’t make me introduce myself again.”

“It’s the worst,” Alex sympathizes, a little frown on his lips. “They’ll probably make _everyone_ do it, though, so you won’t be alone.” Other kids filter in slowly, and Reggie watches it curiously, checking out people’s clothes and backpacks and sneakers. A few girls have scrunchies on their wrists, some boys have leather bracelets, and Reggie feels out of place, in his ratty sneakers and too big flannel. “Oh, this is seventh grade math. I don’t know these kids, if you’re wondering.”

“Luke’s not in seventh grade math?” Reggie asks, and Alex giggles.

“Nope! We’re just ahead, not many kids are.” Alex rolls his eyes. “Though it’s a wonder. I’m not _that_ good at math.”

“I’m sure you’re amazing,” Reggie breathes, and Alex smiles again. Reggie decides he never wants to see Alex sad ever again, in this exact moment.

Alex grabs his schedule again, and compares it with Reggie’s. “Oh, dude, we have _all_ our classes together, plus social studies and gym with Luke. Sick!” It makes Reggie smile a little, though it fades when the teacher approaches their desk. Alex gives him a sympathetic frown, and Reggie looks up, eyes wide.

“Are you Reginald?” the teacher asks.

“Just Reggie, mister,” Reggie replies, voice a little shaky and the teacher nods, smiling kindly. The nervous feeling dissipates a bit, and Alex kicks his shin lightly.

“I’m Mr. Markham, welcome to L.A.” 

He walks away, getting ready for the start of class, and Alex looks back at Reggie. “ _Reginald_?” he teases, bemused, and Reggie flushes. It makes Alex giggle.

“I hate it,” Reggie admits with a small laugh, but Alex just looks thoughtful, tilting his head as he scrutinizes Reggie’s face. His expression clears, and he looks confident when he speaks.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I think it suits you. Reggie’s better, though.”

Suddenly, this year doesn’t seem too bad, Reggie thinks as Mr. Markham begins to speak.

—

The day goes well; Luke and Alex eat lunch with him, and they walk the halls together on their way to classes. Luke’s locker is right by Reggie’s, and Alex’s isn’t too far off, so they all get to talk in between classes, and they walk out with him after school, and when Reggie goes to catch the bus, it turns out Alex is on the bus with him. He brightens at the thought as Luke goes to line up for the bus behind theirs, waving.

“Bye, Luke!” Alex waves, and Reggie waves too, and then they’re boarding the bus, sitting next to each other, Alex shoving a pencil in a small compartment of his backpack haphazardly.

Reggie debates his next move; he’s never… well. He doesn’t know if they’re _friends_ , but whatever he and Luke and Alex are, he doesn’t want to mess it up. But he’s curious, so he speaks. “Were you on the bus this morning?” he asks, sounding small. He hates it, but if Alex notices, he doesn’t say, just leans his head back, sending a little smile to Reggie.

“No, Luke and I carpool together.” He sits back, picking at his fingernails. “My mom picks Luke up. He lives only a few streets over, just a different bus route.”

“Oh, okay.” Reggie sits back too, looking out the window, the tip of his ears flushing a little with embarrassment. “I just felt bad for having missed you.”

Alex smiles, though, and it’s warm. “You didn’t.” It’s quiet for a moment, and Reggie can feel the awkwardness building, but Alex doesn’t seem to notice. “You must live really close to me, though.”

Reggie shrugs. “It’s on the beach?” 

Alex’s eyes widen. “On the _beach?!_ ” he exclaims, and Reggie flushes. “That’s so _cool_ , Reggie. I bet your house is really cool.”

Reggie laughs, and the conversation goes from there, but he’s stuck on Alex’s words. _I bet your house is really cool_. Reggie knows with absolute certainty that his house is _anything_ but cool, what with his parents fighting all the time. Reggie used to think it was normal for parents to hate each other and hate their kids, but he learned that’s just not the case from people he knew in the other places he lived. It’s sad, but he has to learn not to get too upset about it. He wants to try and at least be friends with these guys.

The bus stops earlier for Alex, and he waves goodbye to Reggie before he gets off, and Reggie breathes a little sigh of relief at neither Luke nor Alex asking about his parents. When he gets home, no one’s there, and he smiles to himself, grabs a packet of fruit snacks, and double checks his assignments for the next day.

As the months go on, Luke and Alex make sure to include Reggie all the time. They eat lunch together, they walk to class together, sometimes they even hang out at Luke or Alex’s house. (Never Reggie’s, but they seem to believe his excuses.) And then it’s parent-teacher conference day, and the buses aren’t running. Reggie’s mom had _promised_ she’d be there at 12 to pick him up, but it’s been at least 20 minutes, and most of the kids have left by now, and no one’s come to pick him up. He sighs, picks up his backpack, and starts his walk home. 

It’s not close, not at all, but he makes the trek, crossing busy streets and taking shortcuts through playgrounds. He finally makes it to the street that he knows, just before the street leading to the beach, and he passes Alex’s house. He sees Alex and Luke on the porch, playing with a soccer ball, and he thinks about going up to them, just to stave off being at home a little longer.

But then he thinks about it. Really _thinks_.

Luke and Alex had been planning their long weekend, where Alex was going to stay at Luke’s one night, and vice versa, right in front of him, and Reggie was, admittedly, spaced out, but he’s certain they didn’t ask him. Which is fine. It’s _totally_ fine. They’re best friends, and he’s just the weirdo new kid, and he’ll never be as close with them as he wants to be. He’s sure they’d asked him what he was doing, then, and he knows he told them he was going to be with his family, but being stuck in his house all weekend with no reprieve feels like torture.

But he doesn’t want to be a fun killer, so he doesn’t bring it up in ensuing conversation, when Luke and Alex ask what he did over the long weekend. Just says he and his family visited his grandparents, which couldn’t be less true when his grandparents live all the way in Montana, but Alex and Luke don’t _know_ that, just smile at him and say, _next time, Reggie, we’ll spend the long weekend together_. Reggie just smiles, nods along, but he knows the other shoe has to drop eventually. 

It always does.

ii.

_age 12 (june 1990)_

So maybe he’s spent almost an entire year waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it hasn’t. Luke and Alex still seem to enjoy his presence, even though he’s annoying and too much, he knows. His parents spare no feeling in telling him that almost daily. But Luke and Alex don’t know about that, and he doesn’t want them to. It’s not fair to them. Plus, they still seem to want to be his friend, and he’s _not_ going to lose that.

Luke enlists Reggie’s help in finding Alex the best birthday gift. “It’s gotta be _great_ ,” Luke insists. “Because my mom gave me the money so I could pick it out this time, instead of _her_ picking it out, and I know what Alex likes better than her.” Luke rifles through the CDs in the box in front of them, but he frowns. “Ugh. Nothing good here.”

Reggie picks at the thread of his t-shirt, the summer air sticky hot with humidity. “Oh, yeah. I should get him something, too.” Reggie doesn’t know how to say he doesn’t have the money to do that, and he only _just_ found out that Alex’s birthday is next week, so he doesn’t.

Luke tilts his head at Reggie, and Reggie feels exposed for a second, like Luke can read his mind. Luke blinks, and then his expression clears. “We could have it be from both of us,” he suggests, a small smile on his face. “Then we don’t have to pick out two separate things.”

“Oh.” Reggie smiles a little, too. “Yeah. That’s a good idea, Luke.”

Luke grins. “ _All_ my ideas are good.” They leave that shop, walking around a little more. They pass other shops, they find something they think Alex would like, it turns out to be too expensive, rinse, repeat. They stop in a thrift shop, and Luke finds a pair of drumsticks in the kitchenware section, and they have a super cool design on it. “D’you think he’d like these?”

Reggie hums. “Doesn’t Alex already have drumsticks?”

Luke rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but you can never have too many pairs.” He holds them excitedly in front of Reggie’s face, and Reggie laughs. “Plus, look at the design!”

Reggie nods, smiling. “Alex will definitely like them.”

Luke cheers, and then he heads to the records section, so they can pick out one more thing to go with it, and then Luke turns to him, suddenly, as Reggie intently reads the back of the Queen record in his hands. “Reggie, when’s _your_ birthday?” he asks, and Reggie pales, letting the record fall back into the bin. “Because mine’s in September, and Alex’s is next week, and we should know yours so we know when to celebrate.”

And this is the problem, isn’t it? Reggie had spent his birthday with his brother, Mike, and then Mike had dropped him off at Luke’s house, and they’d hung out, and Reggie hadn’t even mentioned it. It wasn’t _important_. His dad hadn’t even said goodbye when he’d left for work, and his mom had thrown him a nonchalant, “oh, it’s your birthday,” before going back to her home office. And he’d gotten ice cream with Mike, and he’d had fun with Luke and Alex, and it had all been fine. 

But Luke’s looking at him with such curious, kind eyes that Reggie feels like he has to say.

So he swallows, taking a deep breath. “Oh. It’s, uh.” He pauses, and Luke keeps staring at him, head cocked to the side. Reggie sighs. “My birthday is June 3rd.” 

He braces for impact, and he’s right to, because Luke’s eyes bug out of his head. “ _June 3rd_?!” he yells right in Reggie’s face, and Reggie flinches. “Dude, why didn’t you _say_ something?! It’s June 18th!” Luke looks _devastated_ , and Reggie immediately wants to fix it, even if he’s certain that this is it, and Luke will tell Alex that Reggie is weird for not mentioning his birthday even though they hung out on his birthday. It’s just… Luke just seems so upset with him.

He rushes to assure Luke as fast as he can. “No, don’t worry, it’s okay!” he pleads, but Luke isn’t listening.

“Oh my god, Reggie, we _missed_ your _birthday_.” Luke looks like he could start crying any minute, and Reggie grabs his hand. He really doesn’t want anyone crying over him, especially over missing his birthday. Luke keeps a hold on Reggie’s hand, but he’s walking back and forth, gripping the drumsticks and record he picked out tightly. He stops, looking Reggie right in the eye. “We have to tell Alex.”

“No!” Reggie exclaims, and Luke gives him a confused look. Reggie takes a deep breath, shaking his head. “His birthday is next week, it’s okay, we don’t have to say anything.” He doesn’t want to take away from Alex’s birthday celebration, but Luke refuses.

“No, we have to talk to him, Reggie. We _have_ to celebrate your birthday, too.” Luke’s so insistent that Reggie can’t argue as he marches them up to the counter, pays for Alex’s birthday gifts, and then practically drags him toward his house. Reggie can’t do anything but follow him. 

They make it back in record time, Luke pulling Reggie through the threshold, his grip on Reggie’s wrist so tight that Reggie almost feels uncomfortable, even if he knows Luke doesn’t mean anything by it. Mrs. Patterson calls out to them, and Luke has a little angry puppy expression on his face when she finds them in the entryway. She smiles warmly at them both, and it eases some of the uncomfortable feeling in Reggie’s chest.

“Reggie, lovely to see you again, today,” she says, smiling, and then she turns to Luke, her expression stern, though Reggie can see laughter dancing in her eyes. “Luke, what’s wrong?”

“We missed Reggie’s _birthday_!” he says, positively mournful, and Reggie sputters, trying to tell Luke that it’s not a big deal, but Luke’s lip starts wobbling, so Reggie quiets, moving his hand to lace their fingers together. “A-a-and Alex and I didn’t know, and we didn’t get him anything! It was _two weeks_ ago!” Luke turns to him, his eyes pleading. “Please stay tonight, and I’ll call Alex?” 

Luke still looks so destroyed that Reggie can’t refuse, but Mrs. Patterson’s soft laugh cuts through Reggie’s self pity, and he looks at her as she walks away. “Reggie, when was it?” she asks, already heading to the kitchen. She turns back around, smiling at him and Luke. “It’s funny; I just happened to make those cookies you like so much!” Reggie could cry.

Luke lights up, hugging his mom around her waist, and he pulls Reggie in, too, before Mrs. Patterson gets too far. “Mom, you’re the best.” He drags Reggie toward the phone in the hallway, then, and Reggie is helpless to do anything else, even though he feels the tears welling up like the big baby he is because this is too much, and his mom didn’t make a cake or cookies or anything, and Mrs. Patterson shouldn’t have to do this, and Luke shouldn’t call Alex because it’s not a big deal, truly.

Luke frowns at him. “Your mom didn’t make you a cake?” he asks quietly, putting the phone back on the receiver to look at him. Reggie realizes with mounting horror that he’d said all that out loud. Luke squeezes his hand. “Of course it’s a big deal, Reg. It’s you.” Reggie doesn’t know what that means.

“Reggie!” Mrs. Patterson calls out, shaking them both from their little bubble. “Would you want pizza for dinner?”

Reggie feels frozen, and Luke frowns harder, pulling Reggie into a hug, answering for him. “Reggie says pizza sounds great, Mom!” he yells back, and then he pulls away, a little, looking Reggie directly in the eye. Reggie can’t believe he’s messed today up so badly. “Reg?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Reggie repeats, but he’s starting to get the feeling that maybe it _is_ a big deal, and that not getting cake and a present on your birthday isn’t normal.

“It is.” Luke turns back to the phone. “I’m calling Alex. We’re going to eat so much pizza and so many cookies and then we’re going to watch so many movies and we’re gonna stay up _all_ night.” Luke pulls Reggie into his side. “Sorry it’s not _on_ your birthday.”

“Luke…” Reggie starts, but Luke already has Alex on the phone, and he can hear Alex begging his mom to go be at Luke’s because they _missed Reggie’s birthday, Mom, what kind of friends do that?_ Reggie hears that and he is _not_ going to cry, he’s not. He just really doesn’t want to lose Luke and Alex once they realize his home life is so embarrassing that he hasn’t had a cake on his birthday in years. 

And Luke _finally_ hangs up, dragging Reggie up to his room. They sit on the floor, Luke chattering a mile a minute about movies they could watch and how Alex doesn’t like scary movies but maybe they could convince him to watch one anyway, but _only if you want, Reggie_ , and Reggie can’t help it. 

He just… starts crying.

“Oh, _no_ ,” Luke says, and he sounds horrified, and Reggie wants to run so badly because he’s twelve years old and he shouldn’t be crying, but he hears someone open the door to Luke’s room and then Luke is being pushed out of the way, and he yelps.

“Luke, go tell your mom what we want on our pizza, I know crying freaks you out.” It’s Alex, Reggie notes, and he sits next to Reggie on the floor, his arms coming around Reggie’s shoulders. Reggie makes himself smaller, or at least he tries to, but Alex holds tight. “I got this.”

Luke sputters. “But—”

“Now, Luke!” Reggie flinches, and then Reggie hears Luke’s footsteps as he runs downstairs to tell his mom that just cheese is fine, thanks, and maybe they could get garlic bread, too, and Alex pulls him closer. Reggie sticks his face in Alex’s shoulder, and Alex hums. “What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t need anything.” Reggie sniffles, and Alex stays silent. “I didn’t need pizza or cookies or anything and my birthday isn’t important. We were just getting your present and then Luke got mad that I didn’t tell him my birthday.” He feels so stupid. He should have just said something and now Luke is upset, and it’s all his fault, and— 

“He’s not mad at you,” Alex promises, his voice kind. Reggie shakes his head, and Alex squeezes his shoulder. “I promise. He’s mad at himself. What kind of best friends are we that we don’t know our best friend’s birthday?”

Reggie sniffles again, pulling away to look at Alex with confusion. “But you know each other’s birthdays?”

Alex flicks his ear lightly. “ _Your_ birthday, dummy. Best friends know each other’s birthdays.” Alex says it so decisively that Reggie believes him, and then Luke is back and tackling Reggie in a hug. Alex laughs. “Luke, don’t hurt him!”

“I’m _hugging_ him!” Luke says into the crook of Reggie’s neck. He pulls back, and Reggie can only guess how much of a stupid mess he looks like, but Luke frowns, smoothing Reggie’s hair back. It’s so gentle that Reggie feels tears threatening to fall again. “Are you okay? Why are you crying?”

“I’m not,” Reggie says, but his voice is thick, still and Alex flops onto both of them, his hair tickling Reggie’s nose. “Alex!”

“Happy birthday, Reggie!” Alex exclaims, and then he frowns. “Well, two weeks ago. But still!”

“We’ll get you a present soon,” Luke murmurs.

Reggie doesn’t say a word; he’s sure he’ll start crying again like a little baby, but his heart blooms with hope after hearing Alex say that he and Luke consider Reggie their best friend, even though it shouldn’t. But they keep hugging him, and they do eat so much pizza and Mrs. Patterson lights a little candle so they can sing happy birthday to him, and he doesn’t cry, no, he’s already done that. But they stay up all night—well, until two in the morning—and they fall asleep, tangled in each other in a pile of blankets on Luke’s living room floor, and Reggie can’t believe he gets to keep this.

Of course, when he gets home the next day, his mom is mad at him for disappearing, because he can’t win with her. And when he said he was with his best friends, she just rolls her eyes and walks away, muttering something about him being lucky they’ve put up with him for so long. It crushes any hope he’d had last night, any excitement he’d felt over having friends who care about him, and he knows she’s right. She always is. 

iii.

_age 14 (june 1992)_

Eighth grade graduation really _isn’t_ a big deal, Reggie tells himself as Mike drives them to the school. Mike promises him Mom and Dad will show up, and Reggie doesn’t believe him, but he sees them when they pull up to the school. Reggie blinks in surprise. “Mom? Dad?” He won’t run to hug them, but he does feel a small smile on his face. “You came!”

“We can’t stay,” his mom says, and she looks genuinely put out. Reggie feels his heart break. “We have therapy.”

“Oh.” _Of course_ , Reggie thinks. _Of course they can't stay._

“High school isn’t all fun and games, son.” His dad gives him a stern look, his eyes hard. Reggie shrinks back into Mike’s side, and Mike scoffs. “Michael, not now.”

“He’s graduating today, Dad,” Mike snaps. It makes Reggie flinch, and Mike sighs, rubbing Reggie's shoulder. “Maybe the lecture can wait.” And his dad looks mad, and his mom is rolling her eyes, and Reggie can’t take this so he pulls away from Mike's grip, heading toward the entrance.

“Thanks for coming,” he calls back. “I gotta go line up.”

Luke’s right in front of him, and they mess around while they wait for the ceremony to start. Reggie gets honored as one of the top ten in his class, along with Alex, and though he can’t spot his parents in the crowd, the Mercers and Pattersons cheer just as loudly for him as they do for Alex, and it warms his heart.

By the time the ceremony is over, he makes it outside way before Mike does, and he knows his parents didn’t stay, but part of him wishes that they would have. He sits down, hard, the tassels on his cap falling in his face as he watches happy families hugging their kids, and taking pictures on disposable cameras, something he doesn’t have.

“Reggie?” 

Reggie startles, looking up from the steps of the middle school, in his stuffy graduation cap and gown, and he blows the tassels out from his face to see Mrs. Patterson. She’s smiling down at him, but her eyes betray her: she’s clearly worried. He's _sure_ he's a sight to behold. So he makes sure to smile, big and bright, to ease her worry, and he scrambles to stand. “Hi, Mrs. Patterson!” 

She chuckles. “What are you doing out here by yourself? Did you lose your parents?” She looks around, but then seems to realize she’s only met his mom maybe one time, and she frowns, looking back at Reggie. “Where’d they go?”

“Oh.” Reggie didn’t think it’d get this far. And he certainly can’t tell Mrs. Patterson that they didn’t come, because she’d tell Luke, and Luke doesn’t know anything about his parents, and she’d probably worry about Reggie more than she already does. “Um. They must be somewhere. Don’t worry.”

“Reg!” a chorus of voices exclaim, and there’s Alex and Luke jumping on him, smiles big. Mrs. Patterson sighs fondly, and she holds her camera up, insisting they smile, and they do, sandwiching Reggie in the middle of a tight hug. They smile for a few more, and then Mr. Patterson takes some, just as Mr. and Mrs. Mercer come out of the gym.

“Emily, are you all coming?” Mrs. Mercer asks as she pulls Alex into her side. He preens at the attention, and Reggie watches with varying degrees of jealousy as Alex’s little sister, Cassie, hugs his waist, and Mrs. Patterson tucks Luke into her side. They’re all going to be together, Reggie laments to himself. Because they have normal families, and normal lives, and normal everything. Mrs. Mercer turns to him, smiling warmly. “Reginald, honey, where are your parents?”

“They must just be inside,” Reggie says. “I thought they’d be out already.”

Mr. Mercer frowns. “We can wait, if you—“

“No!” Reggie shouts, and then he pales, swallowing. “Sorry, I just. I see my brother. He’ll know where they are.”

“Okay.” Mrs. Patterson continues looking at him, and he smiles, waving at them all before walking toward his brother. Luke and Alex attack him with another hug, though, and Luke sneaks a kiss to his cheek.

“We’ll see you later, yeah?” Alex says, flicking the tassels on Reggie’s graduation cap. “You’re coming to camp?”

Reggie frowns. “Oh, um.” He swallows, willing his eyes not to well up. “My parents said no. So I’m stuck here all summer.”

“Oh, _dude_.” Luke frowns, like someone kicked his dog. Reggie shrugs. “That blows.”

Alex hums, his brows furrowing as he messes with Reggie’s graduation gown. “Why’d they say no?”

Reggie laughs a little through his nose, moving away from their grasp. “I think because Mikey is starting college in the fall.” He gives them a small smile. “But you guys have fun without me.”

Luke frowns harder, if possible, but Mike chooses that moment to walk up, stopping whatever Luke had to say in its tracks. Reggie breathes a sigh of relief. “Hi, boys,” Mike says, smiling warmly at them. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks, Mikey,” Alex says, face flushing. Reggie smiles a little, giving him a look, but then Mr. Mercer calls to them, so Alex just shakes his head at Reggie, tugging on Luke’s sleeve. “Reg, we’ll come see you before we go tomorrow. Promise.” They wave to him before running to their parents.

Reggie just waves them off, leaning into Mike’s side, and Mike looks at him as they start to walk. “Where are they going?”

“To music camp.” Mike leads them to the car quietly. Once they get in, Reggie rips the cap off his head with more force than necessary. “Mom and dad said no.”

“No to what?”

“Going to music camp.” _And coming to my middle school graduation_ , Reggie thinks, but he sits back, leaning his head out the window. He frowns. “They said you going to college was too much money for them to send me to music camp.”

Mike frowns. “They’re not paying for my college, Reg.” Reggie nods, because this makes sense. He must have done something wrong, then, and they just didn’t want to tell him. “You should have told me. I would’ve talked to Dad.”

“It’s not your job to,” Reggie says, but he gives Mike a watery smile anyway, and Mike ruffles his hair, pulling him close.

“When did you get so wise?” Mike presses a kiss to the top of Reggie’s head, before putting the car in drive. “I’m real proud of you, you know. An honors kid. You’ve always been smarter than me.”

“Just trying to make sure mom and dad are proud of me, too,” Reggie mumbles, but as they pass the parking lot, he watches Luke and Alex pile into Mrs. Mercer’s car, and his breath hitches.

“Reggie?”

Reggie sniffles, shaking his head and twisting around to look out the back of the car. “I just don’t want to be alone this summer.”

Mike sighs as they drive away from the school. Reggie watches it disappear from sight, getting smaller and smaller the further they get. “Reg, I’m sorry.”

Reggie turns back around. “I mean it’s not like they’ll be gone _all_ summer,” he starts, voice wobbly, and Mike hums. “Like, they’ll be back by mid-July, and it’s totally fine. I’m just a little sad anyway. It’s no big deal.” Reggie recognizes that he’s rambling, but something in his brain wants him to keep going, so he does. “It’s just that they’ve been friends forever, Luke and Alex. And it’s cool that they wanna be my friends, too, but they’ll always be closer with each other than me.” Reggie pulls his knees into his chest. “And that’s cool! I’m not mad at them. I just wish I had someone like that.”

Mike stays silent for the rest of the drive, but when they pull into the parking spot in front of their house, he pulls Reggie into a hug. “I think you do have someone like that,” he mumbles, in response to Reggie’s earlier rant. Reggie exhales shakily, and Mike pulls him closer. “Two someones. And you’re very lucky, okay? They love you a lot. It makes me happy to see.” Reggie holds on tighter, and Mike doesn’t move, just lets Reggie cry on his shoulder because Mike is the best, and Reggie doesn’t _want_ him to go, even though he knows he has to.

Finally, Reggie pulls back, wiping his nose with the back of his hand, and he gives Mike another thin smile, too afraid that if he speaks he’ll start to cry again. Mike brings him in, and there’s a handmade cake on the counter, and Reggie smiles. If nothing, he has his brother.

It just so happens that the next day, Alex and Luke _do_ come to see him. Reggie watches out his window as they look up at the address, confirming that it’s the right house, and he runs down the stairs before they can ring the doorbell and disturb his dad’s sleep, skittering out the door to stand right in front of them.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, hushed, closing the front door behind him, and they brighten at the sight of him. “Don’t you leave for camp soon?”

“Yeah, but we wanted to come see you,” Luke says, so earnest that Reggie could cry. “I know it’s early, but you always said you wake up early, so—“

“We figured you’d be awake.” Alex pulls him into a hug. Reggie melts into it. “And we’ll miss you.”

He lets himself be hugged by them both, and he wills himself not to cry. “I’ll miss you guys, too.”

“We’ll have to hang out _every day_ to make up for it, when we get back,” Luke insists, and Reggie laughs into Alex’s chest, which makes Alex laugh, and then they’re all laughing in this small group hug. 

He doesn’t really know why they’re laughing, but he can’t imagine someone wanting to hang out with him every day. “You’ll get sick of me,” he jokes, but Alex stops laughing and frowns, pulling back a little to look Reggie in the eye.

“No, we’re gonna _miss_ you,” Alex emphasizes, poking Reggie’s forehead. Luke pulls back too to sneak a kiss to Reggie’s cheek. Alex smiles at the sight. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

“And we’re totally starting a band when we get back,” Luke says, like the idea has just come to him. Alex rolls his eyes, but Reggie just blinks, confused. Luke wiggles his eyebrows at him, like he knows a secret. “You’ll be our bass player, right?”

Reggie grins, ignoring the dull ache in his chest as he bounces on his toes, the excitement of a band winning out over his incessant worry that they’ll forget about him. “Duh.”

“Sick!” Alex exclaims, but then he glances toward the parking lot, and he frowns at the sight of his mom waving out the window. “Well, I guess we gotta go, or we’ll be late.” He pulls Reggie in for one more hug and Luke joins in, and they smother him almost, but when they pull back, he feels empty. “Miss you already!”

“Love you!” Luke yells, and they run to the car, and Reggie’s heart mends just a little. He doesn’t let himself hope.

(They do spend every day together once Alex and Luke get back. It makes Reggie feel blissfully happy. That hope grows just a little more.)

iv.

_age 16 (september 1994)_

At this point, Reggie’s starting to believe the other shoe won’t drop. Luke and Alex have completely stuck around; they don’t find him annoying or anything, and it’s shocking, but it makes him smile. Maybe Mike was right; he’s got two people who love and care for him more than anything in the world, and he shouldn’t discount that.

It’s the Monday after Luke’s seventeenth birthday, and Luke is walking the hallways with a newfound confidence that Reggie didn’t know he could have, and something about it is endlessly attractive to him. Or, uh. To all the girls in the hallway. And also to Alex, but Reggie keeps that to himself, because only he knows about Alex’s crush on Luke, but he sure does _get it_ , now.

“When did Luke’s head get so big?” Bobby asks, sneaking up behind Reggie. Reggie just about jumps out of his skin, and Bobby snorts. “Jeez, Reg. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“When he turned seventeen,” Alex responds, rolling his eyes. “It’s annoying.”

“It’s nice,” Reggie counters, and Alex just gives him a look that he’s positive says _Reg, you’re full of it_ , so Reggie acquiesces. “Okay, yeah. It’s annoying. Someone should take him down a peg.” He looks at Alex, smug smirk on his face, and Alex shakes his head, expression almost murderous. Luke slings his arms over their shoulders, reaching a little further to smack Bobby on his. 

“It’s impressive how you manage to do that to Alex when he’s so much taller than you,” Bobby snarks, and Reggie and Alex let out laughs at the same time when Luke’s face twists up in fake offense as he lets them go to tackle Bobby. Luke manages to get him into a headlock, and Bobby yelps, but Reggie feels no sympathy. 

“You brought it on yourself,” Reggie says, and Alex smothers a smile beneath his hand. Reggie feels absurdly pleased that he’s made Alex laugh, his heart fluttering a little, and then Alex and Luke walk one way to gym, and he and Bobby walk the other way to math, and Reggie watches the way Alex and Luke orbit each other, and he’s _certain_ something has changed since he last saw them on Saturday night. He frowns. “Are they acting weird?”

“Who?” Bobby mumbles, pencil in his mouth. He takes it out, putting it behind his ear. “Alex and Luke?”

“Yeah.” Reggie shrugs as they enter the classroom. “I don’t know. They seem… different?”

Bobby shrugs, but Reggie can’t stop thinking about it. So he continues watching them for days, _weeks_ even. 

He watches as they sit closer together, hands brushing, and Alex laughs a little brighter when Luke is around. Alex seems a little freer with Luke around, too. And Reggie loves that, he does. Ever since Alex came out to his parents, he’d been so stressed out and scared, and Reggie loves that he’s not. And Luke watches Alex like Alex is the most precious thing in the world, like he’s just smitten, and… oh. _Oh, that’s what it is_ , Reggie thinks. 

They’re together. Like dating, kissing, making out together. And something about that stings. He can’t tell why it stings, but he tries to pull away without being weird about it, except he _must_ be weird, because Bobby stops him on his way out of rehearsal one day, asking him for help on his precalculus homework. 

“Since you’re so good at math,” Bobby says, but the look on his face tells Reggie they’re _definitely_ not going to be talking about math. Alex and Luke wave goodbye, but their heads are bent close together, and Reggie definitely sees Luke sneak a kiss onto Alex’s cheek, and his face feels hot, suddenly, and his eyes are burning with unshed tears. “Reggie?”

“What did you want to go over?” Reggie asks, voice cracking. He clears his throat, and Bobby frowns.

“Did they not… tell you?” Bobby sounds small, something Reggie’s never heard him do, and Reggie frowns.

“Tell me what?” Reggie makes sure his expression is as neutral and dopey as possible. Bobby sighs, but Reggie keeps the dumbstruck look on like a pro. (He’s noticed that people tend to be nicer to you when they think you’re dumb.) 

“That they’re… you know.” Bobby makes a gesture, and Reggie tilts his head like he doesn’t understand. He understands _perfectly_ , though. “Together?”

“Oh.” And hearing it said out loud makes it hurt a little more, Reggie thinks, because when it was just him noticing these things his two best friends were doing, he could write it off as maybe him being too possessive, too weird about them. Bobby saying it, though, makes it clear that they told Bobby and _hadn’t_ told Reggie, and Reggie doesn’t like being right. Maybe this is the other shoe dropping. 

“They didn’t.” Bobby frowns again, and Reggie moves to get up, but Bobby grabs his wrist. “Reggie, wait. I’m sure they had a good reason.”

“I’m sure they did,” Reggie says softly, and Bobby looks sad. “It’s fine. I guessed, you know?”

Bobby nods, his eyes sympathetic. Reggie hates it so much. “You know them better than anyone.”

Reggie shrugs. “Maybe.”

“Reg.”

“No, honestly.” Reggie stands, pulling his arm away from Bobby’s ironclad grip. He feels like he’s burning up. “I should go. My parents are expecting me.” It’s objectively the worst lie he’s ever told, and Bobby clearly knows, because he’s standing up, then, and reaching for Reggie.

“Reggie—” Bobby’s saying, but Reggie’s already out the door, grabbing his bike quickly so he doesn’t have to talk about it anymore.

(It’s just that at school, people in the hallway aren’t so careful about what they gossip about and where they gossip, and he’s heard all the stories about how _oh, Alex Mercer is only putting up with Reggie Peters because hot Luke is Reggie’s friend, and Luke is barely Reggie’s friend anyway_ , and _you only have to listen to the way Alex talks to Reggie to know how he feels_ , and _it’s a wonder why Luke still talks to him_ , and _I think if their band got rid of that Reggie kid they’d soar to the top since Bobby Egert’s better at rhythm_. And Reggie hadn’t put any stock in it at the time, but maybe. Maybe. Maybe.)

His brain feels like a skipping record as he bikes home, pedaling quickly to make his lungs burn, and he hears his name being called distantly but he doesn’t know what that’s about, he just bikes home, throwing it haphazardly in the front yard and running in the front door. 

“Reginald! Don’t slam the front door!” his mom yells, but he doesn’t care; he shuts his bedroom door behind him and breathes in, out, in, out, and he doesn’t know how long he sits there, just breathing in and out and trying to slow it down even though he can’t. His mom doesn’t call him down for dinner, and he just lays on his bed, not sleeping.

He ends up walking to school the next day because his bike chain ends up broken, somehow, and he’s lucky because it gives him less time to spend in the hallway. He manages to be just on time to homeroom, and he breathes a little sigh of relief. Except Alex is turning around, head on Reggie’s desk, his eyes wide and mouth in a pout. “Where were you this morning?” he asks, making his frown exaggerated. Reggie rolls his eyes, but Alex pouts harder. “I’m serious. I had to walk to class without you. It was so boring.”

“Sorry, I had to walk to school today.” Reggie stares at the scratch marks on his desk, and Alex puts two fingers under Reggie’s chin, maneuvering his face so Alex can look at him. Reggie shrugs, moving away from Alex’s grip. “My bike chain broke.”

Alex frowns. “Dude, you could’ve called. I would’ve driven you.” Alex thinks for a moment longer, and his expression stays muddled. “I don’t know why I’m not driving you in the first place.” He says it under his breath, and he looks a little guilty, and Reggie immediately feels bad.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to—”

“No, that’s so shitty of me.” Alex frowns as he cuts him off. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even offer.”

Reggie swallows a little lump in his throat. He’s never been good at accepting apologies; generally, he’s certain he doesn’t deserve them, and this is no different, but Alex looks so sad and Reggie’s always said he never wants to see Alex sad. “It’s really okay, Alex.” He smiles, thin and small. “If you could give me a ride home today, though, that would be cool.”

“I’ll drive you to and from school every day,” Alex says, and Reggie opens his mouth to object, but Alex has already turned back around, listening to their teacher, and Reggie just blinks, the weird feeling in his stomach refusing to dissipate. 

Alex sticks close to him for the day; even around their separate classes, Alex manages to find Reggie in the hallway, and in between lunch and 6th period, Alex corners him by his locker. “Did you need something?” Reggie asks, bemused, and Alex narrows his eyes. Reggie thinks he’s being scrutinized. For what? He's not sure.

“You’re hiding something from me,” Alex says, and suddenly, Reggie feels irate.

“More like _you’re_ hiding something from _me_ ,” Reggie mutters, stuffing his history books in his locker. Alex looks shocked.

“Like what?”

“Like you and Luke?” Reggie slams his locker shut, then, and turns to face Alex. Alex looks genuinely confused, and Reggie hates this. “I’m not that stupid. I’ve noticed.”

“You’re not book stupid, that’s for sure,” Alex jokes, but it doesn’t land; _you only have to listen to the way Alex talks to Reggie to know how he feels_ , he hears in the back of his head. Alex shakes his head, expression sobering. “Okay, that was dumb. No, but really. We’re not hiding that from you.”

Reggie blinks. “So I was just supposed to read your mind?”

“I _told_ you,” Alex declares, and Reggie scoffs. “Reg, honestly. I did! That Sunday after Luke’s birthday, on our way to practice.”

Reggie feels all the fight go out of him; he doesn’t _remember_ Alex telling him, but he was so distracted by his pounding headache from his lack of sleep that he doesn’t remember much of that day at all, and now he feels like an asshole. _Because you are_ , a little voice at the back of his head says, and he sighs. “Shit.”

Alex frowns. “Are you okay?” He reaches forward to press the back of his hand to Reggie’s forehead, and Reggie flinches away. Alex freezes. “Reggie,” he says quietly, and Reggie just shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, I just… must have forgotten.” Reggie leans back against his locker. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I guessed, if it makes you feel any better?”

Alex laughs. “Oh my god,” he says, and Reggie doesn’t hear any irritation, but it must _be_ there, he’s sure of it, even if he can’t find it. “Don’t worry about it, Reg. I’m sorry you thought we were hiding it from you this whole time.”

“No, it’s okay,” Reggie insists, and Alex frowns. “Really, it is. I’m not upset.”

“Still.” Alex grabs his hand and squeezes before letting it go. “We haven’t been spending a ton of time with you, anyway. We need to do better about that.”

Which is so fucking hilarious, the thought of them as a couple wanting Reggie there, that he laughs it off. “Who wants a weird third wheel anyway?” he jokes, but Alex just furrows his brows, brushing a strand of hair behind Reggie’s ear.

“You’re not a third wheel, Reg, never.” He says it so seriously that Reggie might throw up, so he just sends a quick smile to Alex, and then walks to gym so fast that he hears Alex calling after him, but the noise just fades into the cacophony of the hallway, and Reggie pretends he can’t hear him.

The rest of the day passes, but Alex grabs his arm on his way out of school, leading him to the parking lot. “I’m driving you home, remember?” he says, and then Luke is on his other side, effectively sandwiching him between the two of them, and it’s not like he can say no. They stop to let a bus out, and Alex looks at Reggie. “What if we just went to the studio, instead?”

“I _definitely_ don’t feel like going home,” Luke agrees, and he turns to Reggie. “Reg? Can you come to the studio with us?”

And here’s the thing. He’s missed them, and suddenly they’re asking to hang out with him, but something about being their third wheel feels funky. He can’t place it. But he _really misses_ them, and eventually that wins out. “Sure,” he says. “Why not?”

Why not is answered almost immediately, when Reggie watches Alex and Luke tangle themselves together, Luke reading _Frankenstein_ and Alex tapping his pencil on his notebook as he does a precalculus worksheet. Reggie’s stomach curls in displeasure, so he sits on the armchair, far from them, pulling out his own physics homework, and he pointedly does not look at them as he tries to find the velocity of what the fuck ever. 

He hears soft whispers, then, and he looks up to see them kiss, and his stomach lurches. He swallows the bile in his throat, and focuses hard on the next problem, and whatever it’s talking about, and he looks up, at the soft, sweet scene in front of him, and he still feels gross about it. It’s not making sense.

When Alex came out, he wasn’t upset or anything. He loves Alex. And Luke being gay or bi or whatever is fine too, obviously. Reggie’s not a _homophobe_ , okay? He loves his friends no matter who they love. He just wishes they loved him like that.

Wait.

He looks up, at Luke’s head on Alex’s shoulder, Alex’s fingers stroking Luke’s hair lightly, like they’ve done this a million times, and Reggie gets it. “Holy shit,” he says quietly, and Luke sits up, looking at Reggie with concern.

“What, man?” Luke moves out of Alex’s grasp, and Alex gives him a look filled with such concern that Reggie’s stomach lurches again. Reggie tries to swallow it down. “Are you okay?”

“You look like you’re gonna be sick,” Alex says, and then Reggie is throwing his books to the ground and running to the bathroom, spewing up what little he ate of his lunch into the toilet. He feels a hand on his back, and then a hand in his hair and on his forehead, and the hand is cool and soothing, but then he’s throwing up again.

“Are you sick?” he hears Luke ask. “We can cancel rehearsal if you need.” 

Something about that doesn’t sit right with Reggie; he’s not more important than _rehearsal_ , so he shakes his head, and then immediately regrets it when he sways into Alex’s chest. “No,” he mumbles. “‘M good to go.”

“I don’t think you are,” Alex says, his tone mired with worry and slight amusement. At least Reggie doesn’t feel nauseous anymore. “Luke, I think calling off is a good idea.”

“But…” Reggie starts to protest, but Luke shoots him a look, and he quiets. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be.” Luke presses his hand to Reggie’s forehead, and Alex pulls him against his chest, chin hooked over his shoulder. Luke furrows his brows. “You don’t feel too warm, but I can’t be sure.”

“Maybe I just ate something bad?” he tries, even though he knows it’s really because he just realized he loves them both. Of _course_ this is how the other shoe drops. Of course he has to fall in love with his friends who aren’t in love with him. 

“Maybe,” Alex says, kissing his shoulder lightly. “Do you still feel like you’re going to throw up, or do you wanna lay down?”

Reggie frowns. “Lay down.”

Luke hums, reaching for Reggie’s hands, and they both help him up. He stumbles into Luke, who steadies him with his hands, and Reggie feels like he’s burning where Luke’s hands are touching him, and where Alex has just pressed his lips to Reggie’s shoulder again. They move him slowly to the couch, and manhandle him into a position where his head is on Alex’s lap and his feet on Luke’s lap, and Luke rubs circles into his ankle while Alex pets his hair, and Reggie feels like shit for interrupting whatever they were up to, but it’s nice and comforting to feel their touch. 

He falls asleep there, sort of restless and half-awake. He catches snippets of their conversation as he fades in and out of consciousness, and he doesn’t know what they’re saying, but he wakes up in time to hear something he _really_ doesn’t understand.

“D’you think he knows?” Luke is saying. It’s quiet, like he doesn’t want to wake Reggie up, and it’s closer to his face. He feels a hand gripping his. _Must be Luke_.

“No,” Alex says. “He ran away when I tried to tell him we missed him.” He sounds fond and sad and confused all in one, and Reggie stirs a little, pretending to be asleep still, and he hears Alex chuckle. 

Luke hums, pressing a kiss to Reggie’s knuckles, and Reggie buries his face in Alex’s stomach as discreetly as possible. “Should we tell him?”

And _that_ sounds scary to Reggie, and he feels like they’re kicking him out of the band or something, so he stirs, opening his eyes, and there’s Luke right in front of him, a small smile on his face, and Alex looking down at him with such fondness that Reggie could cry. “Hey, dork,” Alex says. “You feeling better?”

Reggie sits up slowly, slumping back against Alex’s side. He’s _exhausted_. “Don’t feel nauseous anymore.” He opens and closes his mouth a few times, swallowing painfully. “Chest hurts.”

“Hm.” Luke rubs at it. Reggie flushes bright red. “Probably sore from all the throwing up.”

“How long was I out?”

“About an hour.” Alex is still holding on to him, and Luke still has his hand, and he feels loved but also suffocated and nervous. He wants them to let go and also keep holding on. He’s so damn indecisive. “I’m glad you’re feeling a little better.”

“You should stay here tonight,” Luke blurts out, and Reggie watches as Alex shoots him a look, and Luke just shrugs. “What? We’ll take care of you if you feel sick again.”

“Luke…” Alex starts, and Reggie hears all the whispers in the hallway about Alex only tolerating him because of Luke, and suddenly he feels sick again. His breath hitches and Alex moves fast. “Hey, hey. Deep breaths.”

Reggie takes a few and doesn’t throw up. “I don’t wanna third wheel or something,” he says finally, and this time it’s Luke shooting Alex a death glare, and Alex shakes his head. (Reggie is _so_ confused.)

“No, hey.” Alex moves Reggie’s face so Reggie is looking right at him. “You’re not intruding on anything. I…” he trails off, and suddenly he sounds nervous. Reggie squeezes Alex’s hand, and Alex shoots him a small smile. “I’d prefer if you stayed here, too. Just so we can keep an eye on you.”

Reggie shakes his head. “My parents—”

“Your parents _suck_ ,” Luke says, and Reggie blinks in surprise. “We’ll take _way_ better care of you. Maybe my mom would let us all stay at mine…” Luke trails off, jumping up to grab the phone on the other side of the room, and Alex pulls Reggie back against his side. 

It’s quiet. Alex moves to grab his pencil again, but Reggie speaks. “I’m sorry,” he says again, and Alex looks at him, concern all over his face. “We were supposed to hang out and instead I feel sick and—”

“No, Reg, honestly.” Alex shakes his head. “Nothing to apologize for, okay?” Reggie opens his mouth to disagree, but Alex shoves his water bottle in his hand. “You’re fine. We love you. We’ll take care of you, okay?”

And when Luke comes back, saying that his mom will come pick them up, Reggie doesn’t cry, but it’s a near thing, because it blows to be in love with your best friends when they’ll never love you back in the way you want. He goes to sleep that night safe and taken care of and sad as hell, and it sucks.

v.

_age 17 (july 1995/august 2020)_

“Eat up boys,” Luke had said, mischievous grin on his lips. “‘Cause tonight, everything changes.”

And boy, Luke was right when he said that. But when Alex complained about the weird flavor, Reggie just shrugged. “Chill man, street dogs haven’t killed us yet.”

And boy was Reggie _so wrong_.

Because Reggie just watched Alex die, and Luke can’t be far behind.

He wishes he was joking.

“Luke, it’s okay,” he says, through his own stomach pain. He squeezes Luke’s hand, offering him some sort of reassurance, though he’s not sure how much he can really give, with Alex’s lifeless body next to him as he slumps against the wall, holding Luke’s still warm hand and Alex’s cold one in his other hand. He squeezes his eyes shut. Luke moans a little, and Reggie squeezes his hand again, though Reggie feels weak. “Luke, I… promise.” 

“Reg?” Luke says, voice so soft and hoarse Reggie barely hears it. Reggie squeezes his hand one more time in response. “‘M sorry.”

“No.” Reggie turns to look at him. “No, don’t. It’s—” Reggie gasps for a moment, body shivering violently, and then it subsides. “It’s okay.”

“Sorry,” Luke mumbles, eyes shutting, and Reggie sits, slumped against the wall, wishing he would die soon, too, not to be free of the pain, but to not be left alone. 

It’s traumatic to watch your best friends die like that. He shuts his eyes and tries not to cry. His stomach hurts so bad, and he wants to hear Alex telling him it’ll be okay even if it won’t, but Alex’s hand is so, _so_ cold, and Luke’s hand is still warm even if Reggie can’t feel his pulse anymore, and he hates this so much, because he just wants to sandwich between them and hug them and tell them he loves them, but they’re dead.

They’re dead, and he can’t do a damn thing.

Distantly, he hears someone yelling to call 911, and someone tries to pry his hands from Alex and Luke’s but he holds onto them so tightly the person can’t. They’re yanking on his hands, and he can’t feel anything but overwhelming pain, and he just wants it to end. “He’s still breathing,” he hears, and then there’s nothing.

He pops into a dark room and immediately sees Luke. “Luke?” he whispers, but it echoes anyway, and Luke looks up, and behind him is Alex, who takes one look at Reggie and bursts into tears. Luke just stares, and Reggie immediately moves to Alex, but Luke puts a hand out, so Reggie just stays. “Oh, Alex.”

“Oh, _no_ ,” Luke says. “Alex, please don’t cry.” 

Alex doesn’t respond, just continues to cry, his sobs getting more and more helpless as time goes on. Reggie just stands there, frozen, while Luke paces back and forth, and Alex cries. Reggie watches the scene, as Luke paces and Alex cries and Reggie just stands there. He eventually sits next to Alex, and he must be numb, because while Alex is sobbing his little heart out, he can’t feel a single thing. He is _worried_ about Alex, though, and he doesn’t want to overwhelm him. Alex’s breaths get more shallow, and Reggie tucks a strand of hair behind Alex’s ear. “Alex, hey,” Reggie says, hand on his bicep. “Alex, you’re okay.”

“Alex, man, you gotta breathe,” Luke interrupts, and Reggie shoots him a glare.

“Not _helping_ ,” he hisses, and Alex wails. Both Luke and Reggie startle at the sound as it echoes in the darkness around them.

“We don’t have to breathe anymore, Luke!” Alex sobs into his hands, and Reggie flinches, frowning as he presses his forehead to Alex’s shoulder. Alex keeps sobbing. “We’re _dead_ now, okay? Don’t rub it in!” 

“Alex,” Luke says, clearly hurt, and Reggie holds a hand out to him, and just leans into Alex, trying to calm him down. Luke takes his hand and sits and Reggie squeezes. Alex is still shaking. Reggie tries soothing words to quell their fears, but it doesn’t work. Alex is right. They’re dead. They died. 

They were supposed to play at the Orpheum, and they didn’t. Luke was supposed to apologize to his mom, Alex was supposed to help his sister, Reggie was… well Reggie didn’t know what he was supposed to do, but he didn’t have time anymore. They’re dead. It’s over.

Something about this vast emptiness feels terribly lonely, and he’s slightly grateful that if he has to suffer like this forever, at least Luke and Alex are here with him. He just wants someone to tell him that yes, you get to keep these friends with you forever, and it’ll be okay, and everything is fine because Luke and Alex will always be there.

Alex keeps crying.

Luke keeps pacing.

Reggie can’t do a single thing.

He wonders if this is what the afterlife is, just sitting around and pondering on all the life you didn’t live, all the things you could have done but didn’t, all the things you should have confessed but never got around to confessing. Like his big dumb crush on Luke and Alex, his brain supplies, and he shakes his head. 

(Alex and Luke had broken up, eventually, claiming something was missing, and they’d told Reggie together, so that he actually couldn’t miss it. He hugged them both, and told them it didn’t change anything, but his stomach still flip-flopped whenever they both smiled at him, and his heart fluttered when Luke touched his shoulder or Alex flopped onto the couch next to him, smiling bright, and then he realizes those things will never happen again, because he’s dead. They died. He misses them, somehow, and they’re right here.)

Alex keeps crying.

Luke keeps pacing.

Reggie can’t do a single thing.

And then, there’s a gentle tug, and then it’s more insistent, and then: _poof_! They’re back in the studio.

And there’s a screaming girl named Julie and a lot of shit goes down, but through it all, Alex and Luke are by his side. Alex makes a new ghost friend, and definitely has a crush on said ghost friend, and Luke seems cool with it, which means it’s cool with Reggie even if it’s not exactly cool with Reggie.

And Luke definitely has a crush on Julie, and Alex seems cool with it, which means it’s cool with Reggie even if it’s not… you know, cool with Reggie. And then Julie saves them from dying again, and everything is great, and he keeps Alex and Luke, and that other shoe hasn’t dropped. Even through death. 

He still feels like it might.

\+ i.

_age 17 (november 2020)_

So being dead is… weird. And it’s not even like they’re really dead anymore; they’re more like half-dead. Like they still have their teleportation powers, and most people can’t see them, but they _can_ eat, which is a great development, because Reggie has missed pizza _so much_. So. Much. Ray gave them pizza last night, and Reggie devoured it so fast he barely recognized he was eating it.

The downside is that his friends all have another person to hang out with, leaving him, effectively, alone in the studio. A lot. Julie and Luke are always off somewhere, writing in her bedroom or on the other side of the studio, not necessarily including him, or Luke is at his parents’ place, and Julie is with Flynn (which is _totally_ fine, okay? Reggie’s not possessive or anything, Julie can do what she wants.), and Alex is with Willie a lot, especially after they’d found each other again, which makes Reggie really happy. 

His crush hasn’t exactly ended, though, so he plucks sadly at an acoustic, writing down haphazard lyrics in a notebook. They’re not quite country and they’re not quite punk and they’re not quite anything good, but they’re his, so he keeps scribbling chord progressions and phrases he likes and ideas he grabs from new music, and turns it into something. (It turns out that the twenty-five years of music they’d missed had some _great_ stuff involved. He’s gotten lots of inspiration.)

It’s a Saturday, mid-morning, and he’d woken up alone, so he grabbed Luke’s extra acoustic (which was really the band’s extra acoustic) and started writing on his own. He figured he’d be alone most of the day, so he settles in, playing some chords, and writing them down, and striking anything he doesn’t like, when the doors open and Julie’s walking in. He sits up, startled, and she lights up.

“Reggie!” She sits down next to him, and he smiles. 

“Hey, Julie.” He sets the guitar aside, smiling at her. “What’s up?”

“I was just coming in to grab my notebook before I head to Flynn’s,” she says, and then she gestures at him. “And then you were in here. So I thought I’d come say hi.”

“Oh, well, you know,” Reggie laughs like Julie’s in on the joke. She just tilts her head at him. “I’m pretty much always in here.”

Julie frowns. “What do you mean?”

Reggie frowns back, but he just shrugs. “Well, you know, Luke is either with you or his parents, and Alex is usually with Willie, and, well, you know.” He fiddles with his flannel. “No one likes a third wheel.” He laughs, slightly self-deprecating, but it doesn’t land; instead, Julie’s frown deepens.

“Reggie, you wouldn’t be third wheeling,” she says. Reggie rolls his eyes, but she flicks his ear. “You _wouldn’t_ , especially not with me and Luke.” She flushes a little, and he tilts his head at her. “I’m kind of… I’m seeing someone, anyway.”

Reggie’s eyes widen. And he knows it doesn’t fit with his perception of the situation, but he feels like her older brother. And an older brother’s duty, of course, is to tease. “Tell me _now_ , Jules,” he says, and she laughs, bright and pretty. It makes him smile.

“Well, you know, um. Carrie?” Julie looks up at Reggie, and her face is a little lovestruck and a lot happy, and Reggie lets out a laugh, and he hugs her tight. She laughs again. “Reggie!”

“That’s _so_ great, Julie!” He pulls back, giving her a sweet smile. “Though that’s weird that you’re dating our ex-bandmate’s daughter…?” She shrugs, small smile on her face as she nods at him, like she knows he has something else to say. “I guess… I guess I just thought, you know. You and Luke have—”

“Chemistry?” she guesses, tone teasing. Reggie flushes (which makes no _sense_ , he’s dead), but Julie just shakes her head. “We do, but I think…” She trails off, shrugging. “He has eyes for someone else.” Her tone is pointed as she looks at him, but Reggie just stares at her, eyes wide. She sighs. “I better go, Reg, but don’t ever worry about third wheeling.” She smiles at him. “We love you.”

She leaves, and Reggie sits back, fingers brushing the neck of the guitar gently. He’s _confused_ by Julie’s words, and he wishes he could parse out just what they mean, but before he can, Alex poofs in, sitting next to him on the couch. He looks so happy. Reggie’s heart does a few things, namely soaring and breaking all at once, but mostly, he’s happy if Alex is happy. 

“Reg, hey, I was hoping you were in here,” he says, a smile still on his face. 

“You were hanging out with Willie?” Reggie teases, a small smile on his lips as Alex sputters. Even though it hurts a little, Alex being happy is all that matters.

“I _told_ you,” Alex says. “It’s not like that with us.”

“Sure.” Reggie picks the acoustic back up, plucking at some strings. He plays some melody he just made up, and Alex leans his head on the couch, looking at Reggie with an almost unreadable expression on his face. Reggie can’t quite tell what it means, but he detects some sort of fondness, so he rolls his eyes. “What?”

“I mean it,” Alex says softly. “It’s not like that with me and Willie.”

Reggie stops playing. “But you seem so happy.”

“I am.” Alex keeps that same expression on his face, though it’s half-smushed into the couch. His eyes are smiling a little, and warm and kind. It takes Reggie back to their first meeting. Alex has always been warm and kind. Even when his words are couched in barbed wire he’s warm and kind. “Willie doesn’t… so, you know. We were having fun together. But he’s kind of not… into relationships?”

“Oh.” Reggie frowns, placing a hand on Alex’s knee. “I’m sorry, dude.”

“No, it’s okay.” Alex blows a raspberry, and some of his hair flies out of his eyes. “It’s just not his thing. And that’s cool, that’s fine. I’m really not that upset, because we’re still like. Good friends.” Reggie scrutinizes Alex as best he can, and Alex really _doesn’t_ seem upset, so Reggie nods.

“So you’re… cool with it?”

“Of course, man. It’s Willie.” Alex shrugs. “I like him a lot, but he’s not into the relationship thing. And that’s fine because…” Alex trails off, and he looks at Reggie again. That same look from before is on his face, just more open. “I like other people, too.”

Reggie nods. “You wanna get back with Luke,” he guesses, and Alex narrows his eyes, his mouth frowning.

“Weeelllll,” he drawls. “Kind of. In a sense.” Reggie just blinks at him, and Alex laughs a little. “You know?”

Reggie shakes his head. “I really don’t.”

Alex laughs again, but it’s quieter this time, and his fingers brush against Reggie’s wrist. Reggie gulps. “Okay. When you do, let me know.” And Reggie doesn’t really get that, so he just leaves it alone. 

Alex doesn’t say any more, so Reggie picks at the guitar again, playing a little melody, and Alex watches him. It’s so much like when they were alive, he thinks, except usually Luke would be playing and Alex’s head would be in Luke’s lap and Reggie’s feet would be on Alex’s lap and they’d just sit, doing their homework or helping Luke with lyrics. Sometimes Bobby would be there, too, but mostly it was the three of them, if Reggie didn’t feel bad about third wheeling. 

He’s been told many times, though, that he’s not. 

(It doesn’t make sense to him. If he’s not third-wheeling, then what _is_ he?)

Alex’s eyes drift shut, and Reggie moves to put the guitar down, but Alex stops him, eyes staying closed. “No, I like it,” he says, and Reggie flushes bright red again. He _wishes_ he didn’t blush so easily, but at least Alex can’t see it. “Keep playing.” 

So Reggie keeps playing, and Alex keeps his eyes closed, and his hand drops to Reggie’s thigh, and Reggie does _not_ mess up his finger-picking melody which he should win some sort of award for, and Luke comes in. Reggie stops, and Alex pouts, but opens his eyes to see Luke. He smiles. “Oh. Hey, Luke.”

“This is domestic,” Luke says, plopping down in the middle of the couch. Alex protests, and it makes Reggie laugh. “Didn’t know you were playing acoustic.”

Reggie shrugs. “I had an idea. It’s not exactly going anywhere.” He hands Luke the guitar, and Luke takes it, strumming quietly. “That’s already better than what I had.”

“ _I_ liked what you had,” Alex grumbles, but he leans his head on Luke’s shoulder while Luke strums. 

And this is what Reggie can’t deal with. They have always looked so peaceful together. They’ve always had something he’s never felt privy to. They’re his best friends, but they were best friends first, and they have a history, and that intimacy that comes from knowing someone almost your whole life. Reggie doesn’t _have_ that. He’s had them for six, almost seven, years now, but they’ve had each other for twelve. He doesn’t have what they have. 

So he stands, preparing to make a getaway while they’re lost in their own world, just to give himself some time to deal, when Luke stops playing. “No, don’t go,” he says, reaching out for Reggie. Reggie furrows his brows. “Stay.”

“I…” Reggie trails off, blinking, and Alex opens his eyes, looking at Reggie with concern and a little apprehension and something else that Reggie still can’t place.

“Please stay?” Alex extends his hand to Reggie, too, and Reggie’s never been able to resist either of them, so he grab’s Luke’s hand with his left and Alex’s hand with his right, and they pull him in between them, so he’s sandwiched in with nowhere to go. Luke discards the guitar on the floor, gently, and curls into Reggie’s side. Alex hums, content.

Reggie’s heart, however, is beating wildly, threatening to burst out of his chest and flutter into Luke and Alex’s waiting hands. And once it does that, they’d have full control over it, and be able to do with it what they want, whether that be protecting it or crushing it in their grasp. Reggie takes in a gulping breath to try and get it back under control, but it stays high. Alex runs his fingers down Reggie’s arm and interlocks their hands, rubbing his thumb along the back of Reggie’s. Luke sits up a little, looking at Reggie with poorly concealed worry. “Are you okay?”

“Me?” Reggie squeaks, and then he clears his throat. “Uh, I’m, uh. I’m fine.” He clears his throat again. “Totally fine.”

“Your heart’s beating really fast,” Alex murmurs, and Reggie just takes a deep breath, letting out a slightly hysterical laugh. “Are you—”

He rips away from their grasp, standing up. Luke lets out a whine of protest. “I mean, what’s actually going on?” Reggie asks. “Like, what are we doing?”

Luke frowns. “We were cuddling, until you so rudely left.”

“That’s _not_ what I meant,” Reggie says. His resolve is getting weaker as he watches Luke frown, though, and Alex’s face twists up in anxiety. He doesn't want to be the cause of that. “I just meant… you have other people.”

Alex and Luke look at each other, then back at Reggie, wearing matching befuddled expressions. “What?” Alex tilts his head, looking at Reggie like he’s a puzzle to solve. Reggie doesn’t like it, so he looks away. “What does that mean?”

“It means exactly what I said.” Reggie looks back at them, and he’s sure the answer to their questions is written plainly on his face. “You have other people. You don’t _need_ me.”

Luke flinches, looking positively destroyed. “Reg…” He reaches out for Reggie’s hand again, but Reggie pulls away. “That’s not true.”

“You have Julie,” Reggie points out, and Luke closes his mouth. Reggie turns to Alex. “And you have Willie, even if it’s not ‘like that.’” Reggie sits on the coffee table, hard. “You have other people and I don’t. And it’s always been like that. What do I have, Ray? He can only see us half the time, anyway.”

“You have us,” Luke says, decisive and so _sure_ of himself. “You’ve always had us.”

“You had each other first.” Reggie feels so stupid, saying this out loud. “You had each other and I just came in and intruded on everything—”

“How many times do I have to tell you you’re never intruding?” Alex sits up, his voice raising slightly. Reggie startles, looking to him, and Alex looks frustrated. “You weren’t intruding in sixth grade and you certainly aren’t now.” Reggie sighs. They clearly _aren’t_ getting it, and he’s tired of this, tired of bearing his soul.

“Alex, you should just tell him,” Reggie and Luke say at the same time, and then they look at each other. 

“What?” Reggie says, and Luke manages to look just as confused.

“What are _you_ talking about?” Luke asks. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” Reggie feels himself wanting to poof away, wanting to get out of here, but Luke fixes him with a stare, so he stays put. “What?”

“Okay,” Alex says. “Okay.” Reggie watches as Alex takes a deep breath, reaching out to grab at Luke’s hoodie. It centers him, and Reggie wants to take this particular brand of worry away when Alex speaks again. “So, I’m in love with you.”

Reggie’s heart breaks, but Luke stays silent, and Reggie furrows his brows. “Uh, Luke? Don’t you want to say something?”

Luke snorts, trying to cover it beneath his hand. “No, Reg, he, uh.” Luke looks down, then back up at Reggie with a little pink dusting across his cheeks. “He wasn’t talking to me.”

“Yes he was?” Reggie stands up, and maybe Alex’s anxious model strut is contagious, because he starts it up, working through this in his head. Maybe Luke wasn’t understanding. Maybe Luke thinks that because he and Alex ended things that Alex wouldn’t _want_ to get back together. “He just told me he wanted to get back together with you.”

“Alex,” Luke chides, and Alex throws his hands up. 

“Actually, Reg, I _didn’t_ say that.” Alex walks over to him, slowly, stopping Reggie’s pacing in its tracks. Reggie stares at him, eyes wide and mind racing. “I said I like other people, and you _asked_ if it was Luke. I said sort of.”

“Sort of?” Luke sounds faux-offended, but suddenly he’s on the other side of Reggie, and Reggie looks to him for any sort of answer. Luke just smiles, looking at Alex. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t fish for compliments.” Alex is still looking at Reggie, and Reggie is still confused when Alex places a finger under his chin, tilting his face up so that Reggie is looking directly at him. Reggie swallows a lump in his throat, and his heart is beating too fast again, and he doesn’t _know_ what’s going on but he’s confused, and no one’s giving him an answer. “Reggie, I love you.”

“I love you too?” Reggie’s response is automatic, but Luke sighs.

“You’re _so_ lucky you play bass,” he laughs, pressing his forehead to Reggie’s shoulder. “And that you’re pretty.”

The pieces start falling together, and that _can’t_ be right. They _can’t_ be saying they love him. They really cannot, because that doesn’t make sense. What use is he when they could have each other? He’s just an extra part, a third wheel you don’t need. Sure, a bass is essential to a band, but even then there’s a bass you can make without the instrument now. Reggie had never been necessary before, so what’s the point now?

“Reggie?” Alex is saying, breaking Reggie from his stupor. “Reggie, I’m in love with you.”

Wait.

“And so am I, for the record,” Luke adds on, and Reggie feels faint. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Reggie needs to pace again, and maybe Alex gets that, because he moves out of the way, and Reggie moves away from Luke’s grasp and starts walking again. He’s made it to the other side of the studio and is turning back to face them when he catches their expectant expressions. “What are you talking about?”

“Exactly… what we said?” Luke takes a step forward, but Reggie steps away on instinct. Luke blinks. “You’ve never… we never wanted you to feel like we didn’t want you around.”

“And maybe that’s on us, lately, for leaving you alone a lot in here,” Alex acquiesces. He looks contrite, and Luke looks sad, and Reggie feels like shit for this. He wants to fix whatever’s wrong, but nothing makes _sense_. “We were figuring some things out.”

“Like what?” Reggie says softly, and Luke smiles, though it’s small.

“Like why Alex kept trying to make you jealous by kissing me in front of you,” Luke teases, and Alex smacks his shoulder.

“Hey!”

“Or why we both felt like something was missing, and we tried dating other people, and kept coming back to you.” Luke steps forward again, and Reggie stays put this time, so Luke keeps going. “I couldn’t understand why I kept coming back to you, in my relationship with Alex. We thought…”

“We thought we ruined things between all of us when we dated,” Alex finishes for him. Reggie shakes his head. “And maybe we did, because we excluded you. And it turns out we just wanted you there the whole time.”

Reggie lets out a huge breath, looking at both of them with intense confusion. “Like… just hanging out with you while you’re on a date? Because I hate to break it to you, but that’s weird.” He makes Luke laugh, even though he wasn’t trying to, and Alex smiles a little as well, so he takes that as a win, but he sighs. “I’m just confused, guys, I don’t…”

“We wanted to be on a date _with_ you.” Luke has reached him, and is holding his hand. Reggie squeezes it. “Like. We want you around all the time.” Luke pauses. “Even though, really, you are around all the time. We want you around in a boyfriend way.”

Reggie blinks. “You… what?” There’s an awkward silence, and Reggie watches whatever confidence Alex just had completely dissipate, and Reggie doesn’t know what to do.

“And it’s okay if you don’t want that,” Alex starts, but Reggie throws a hand out.

“No!” Alex quiets, then, at Reggie’s outburst. Reggie shakes his head. “No, I… I do. I do want that. I just don’t… I don’t get it.”

“Maybe we should sit?” Luke says, leading them back to the couch. When they sit, it’s Luke on one side, Alex on the other, and Reggie smack dab in the middle. His heart is beating too fast again, but Luke squeezes his hand, and Reggie takes a deep breath. “What doesn’t make sense?”

“Is it the two boyfriends thing?” Alex asks, which makes Luke chuckle. Reggie sniffles. “Because I’ll be honest I had to ask Willie how someone could even _have_ two boyfriends, but all he said was that you just ask them out.”

Reggie laughs wetly at that, and Alex scoots closer, grabbing onto his arm. “It’s not… I’ve loved both of you, like, forever,” Reggie says, quiet and small. Both Luke and Alex smile at that. “It’s more the, uh. Why _me_ thing?”

Luke frowns. “Because you’re _Reggie_. You’re my best friend. I love you more than most things. More than anything, really—you and Alex and Julie mean the world to me.” Luke grabs Reggie’s face in his two hands, forcing Reggie to look right at him. “You know how much I love music. That’s why. You and Alex and music are the same.” 

Reggie’s breath hitches.

“Of course you’d give the perfect speech,” Alex mutters, but he holds Reggie tighter. Reggie realizes he’s shaking a little. Alex squeezes. “But ditto on everything Luke said. You’re an idiot but you’re my idiot, okay?” Alex kisses his temple, and Reggie can’t do it.

He starts to cry. Alex holds him tight, rocking them back and forth gently while Luke whispers to him, just telling him that he loves him, they both love him, and they’re going to love him forever, because that’s what they’ve been doing, and Reggie keeps crying. Because they’re sitting here, telling him that he’s not the weird third wheel, that they love him as much as they love each other, and Reggie doesn’t believe it. How is he supposed to? 

He’s convinced himself that the other shoe was going to drop so many damn times that he’d been ignoring all the signs that maybe it was never going to. Luke and Alex said there was something missing, and it was him the whole time. He suddenly feels overwhelmed with a million different emotions at the same time.

“I was the something missing,” he whispers to himself, and Luke laughs, squishing Reggie’s face between his palms. Reggie giggles, and Alex kisses his shoulder again; Reggie can feel his laugh through the fabric of his shirt.

“You were the something missing,” Luke confirms. Then, his face softens, and Reggie’s lips part slightly. Luke smiles, a little one, as he looks to Alex and then back to Reggie. “Can I kiss you?”

Reggie nods, then, and Luke kisses him. It’s soft and sweet and nothing like Reggie thought Luke would kiss like, but somehow exactly what Reggie needs. Luke kisses like he plays; careful, gentle, and full of passion, and Reggie is like putty in his grasp. He reaches for Alex’s hand, to steady him, and Alex grips his hand, pressing a kiss to the back of Reggie’s head. Reggie pulls away from Luke, then, eyes wide and nervous, and Luke smooths Reggie’s hair back, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

“Can I?” Alex asks, quietly, and Reggie says yes, and it’s shorter, quicker, more chaste, but still perfect. Reggie never…

“I never thought…” he mumbles to himself, and Luke frowns.

“Maybe we could have been more obvious.” Luke kisses him again, and then kisses Alex’s hand where it sits on Reggie’s shoulder.

Alex sighs, leaning his head on Reggie’s shoulder. “Maybe then we could’ve been kissing Reggie in the studio all along,” he says with a cheeky grin, and Luke kicks at his chin.

"Or other things," Luke says, waggling his eyebrows. Alex kicks at him, this time.

“Or maybe we wouldn’t have wasted so much time,” Reggie whispers, a little melancholy, and Luke shakes his head.

“Not time wasted.” Luke says it so convincingly that Reggie sits up a little straighter. Luke kisses his cheek, and Alex nods, and Luke grabs one of Alex’s hands, and one of Reggie’s. “We still spent time with you. Now we just have forever to be together.”

Alex says something else, but Reggie feels warm, where Alex is draped over him, and a little thrill runs through him at the word _forever_. He has _forever_ with his favorite people. He doesn’t need anything else. So he sits back and listens to Luke and Alex talk, and he gives little halfhearted jabs in response, but he holds Alex and Luke close, like he never thought he could before, but something about it feels so familiar and right. 

After what feels like hours but could be minutes, Reggie looks at Alex, then Luke, and then settles back. “What?” Luke reaches up to between his brows and rubs his thumb there lightly.

Reggie smiles. “Love you,” he mumbles, falling into Luke’s side, letting his eyes fall shut. “Both of you.”

“Love you more,” they chorus back to him, voices gentle.

For once, he believes it.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! you can find me on tumblr at adamsparirsh if you want. :)


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